Music, Comedy and hashing it all out and Surrendering

So yeah, I am trying to figure out how to soften my heart. Prayer is helpful. I also realized recently how much Music impacts my life. I live through music. It can take me anywhere, to a place I was happy, sad, joyous, all kinds of feelings and emotions can be aroused through hearing a guitar and some lyrics. They can also take me to some very bad places. Some music is associated with times in my life that I am not proud of, so I try to avoid them. Have you ever started singing a song and not realized where it came from? A lot of times we will hear them in adds, a grocery store, on someones ringtone, whatever, and they make us think of a time or a place, a friend or an experience. Music is powerful.

I used to be really anti-Christian Music. Yeah me. Because I associated it with a time in my life when my family was in turmoil, I was miserable and in counseling, and it represented the shell of myself that was the painted smile like a circus clown in my miserable life. I have gotten past that after having some tough times and realized that there is some really cool stuff out there now.

I LOVE music. I mean LOOOOVVVVVE it! There is often times nowhere i would rather be than rocking out to one of my favorite songs in my car. So I am really trying to positively influence myself by listening to stuff with a good message. I went to a metallica show not to long ago and they were amazing. But I thought as I made eye contact with James Hetfield and belted out "Sad but True" "Is this really an anthem i should shout with passion and look with intensity at a man who yes is very talented but could probably care less if I live or die?" You should see the passion that is in my eyes as I chant and yell and push people out of the way just to connect with this man full of anguish and nothing. I still admire him but I am trying to address things that may affect me subconsciously as well as the more obvious sins in my life.

I am going back and editing my comedy and trying to incorporate my struggles with things that can be constructive to others. I think there is really a market out there for laughter that is constructive and not full of filth. We are funny enough anyway with out daily struggles to be righteous. Doing the things we know we ought not to. Ignoring our heavenly father, have you ever seen a kid that would just not listen to their parent? Next time you consider wringing their neck look in a mirror and realize how often you blatantly ignore your heavenly father. I can make a lot of people laugh, but I would also really like to make them think and learn from the mistakes I so clearly see but often try to craft into humor instead of addressing. Being witty and funny means that I am very critical, so i can choose to make a joke or be constructive, one is more gratifying than the other immediately. Helping someone get to heaven is a lot more gratifying in the long term, don't you think? Thank God for the people that love me and tell me the truth like EC, RD, CM, AF, BS, and MA that really love me. Hopefully we all have a list of people that will not laugh at the things you can't seem to overcome, but ask you questions about what you are doing to grow and change.

If you have not realized that you have to surrender to God to be happy, start trying to get that through your thick and stubborn skull (mostly talking to me). you cannot make you happy. Wanna know how I know? I am really good at having fun, like way better than you, and when I try to be in control of my happiness I end up bitter and alone sitting in bed waiting for someone to call me or think of me. How stupid when God wants me all the time, he is always there. It is unbelievable that this world is so enticing to us. There is no end to the stupid lengths that we will go to for a cheap thrill that does not last. We spend so much time trying to be Lord that we tire ourselves out and finally go, "man I wish someone would be Lord for me!" DUH

These are my thoughts today.