Fall from Grace to Return to my Place

So here it is, I turned my back on God. Not "i'm struggling," not "I'm trying to figure things out," Nope. That would not aptly describe what has transpired in the last 6 months of my life. It is a pretty long story that has its roots a long time ago but currently I have made several realizations.

1. I am not good at making myself happy
2. I am miserable without God
3. I am so Glad he spared me in my stupidity
4. He has great things in store for me but I am always getting in His way
5. Even with a very extroverted personality I feel incredibly alone and unfulfilled without God

I needed some time to get real with myself though I would not recommend doing it the way that I did. I used to lead the Middle School Ministry at church and everything was going great. I grew up in the church more or less, I studied the Bible and was baptized when I was 16 and was in campus ministry and then worked with teens. Everything was going great except that my relationship with God was only existent for me to prove to others that I was worthy of my position.

THIS IS A PROBLEM, MY GOD WAS NOT THE LORD BUT PEOPLE!!!

I was so into the status and who I think that I am and people perceive me as that I was willing to deceive myself into believing that I was fine, all the while not pleasing God or rejoicing in his name. Little decisions daily started to go the wrong way. I can watch that, I can do that, I can say that, Jesus was not where the buck stopped, Jesus and my relationship started to be more of a boundary than a way of life. I started to sin at will with no convictions. I have determined that I have the capacity to be a very awful human being. This does not please God. I have determined that I will be a man of God and delight in being his son, no matter what it takes.

The world is not the answer, never will be, never has been, all the things that look enticing and wonderful are pretty much empty compared to the glory and honor and power of an eternal relationship with the Everlasting Father.